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What Brings People Here?? 

January 2004

#1 (1) thai yellow curry
#2 (3) black wonderful life 
#3 (2) henry mcgee 
#4 (-) katarina witt
#5 (7) kay burley
#6 (-) joined twins
#7 (-) deutsche madchen
#8 (-) eurostar gare du nord
#9 (-) cardboard box
#10 (-) public eye frank marker


Is it Henry McGee or Our Lord Gianfranco Zola?  Alarming similarities between the Premiership and The Bemuddlement Top Ten this month.
Well just like the English Football Premiership, the January 2004 Bemuddlement Top Ten is a table of two halves. With our very own Arsenal (thai yellow curry), Manchester United (black wonderful life aka Kolin Twang) and Chelsea (Bemuddlement's local hero Henry McGee). All three would seem to have their Champions League places assured, whilst a whole host of "wannabes" slug it out for the final CL berth and the consolation UEFA cup places.

And what a pleasing analogy Henry McGee and Chelsea Football Club make, both gifted, underrated, with a touch of elegant class... resident Art critique Brian Sewer writes...

"...yes...  one is reminded of Gianfranco Zola's classic winning goal against Wimbledon in the 1997 FA Cup Semi-Final... the poise, the swagger and the final burst of speed as he raced across the edge of the 18 yard box, running left to right, creating space past two defenders, before curling the ball into the back of the goalspace; not unlike Henry McGee's performance in "Digby - the Biggest Dog in the World" where Henry, delivers the line ".. and now Karate for Housewives" with the same incisive precision and class. In fact, many have compared Henry's supporting role to Benny Hill over the many years to that of Gianfranco's supporting role "in the hole" to Eider Gudjohnsen and Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink during his epic, final 2002/2003 season with Chelsea..."

Brian Sewer, is a National Theater Player (Center Half).




A whole host of new entries and re-entries battling out in the lower echelons of the BM Top Ten thuis month. Interestingly, it seems many of you out there were looking for information on "Joined twins" (new entry at #6). Curiously, battling out for the #4 and #5 positions this month, were Bemuddlement's very own Schrodinger's Cat, Kay Burley and a seasonal reoccurrence by Ice Star, Katarina Witt, whom many of you will recall, has not made an appearance in the chart since we here at Bemuddlement originally spelt her name incorrectly, thus catching only those who would spell her name "Katerina" instead of "Katarina". One dare not spell Queen B's name incorrectly... we here at Bemuddlement value our safety.

Bemuddlement's very own joined twins this month, Queen of Sky News, Kay Burley and Nummer Eins Eis Madchen, Katerina Witt.
Signed photos (in Leiderhosen in Katarina's case) will secure #1 spot and an automatic Champions League place.



A deserted Gare du Nord. It's 20h00 and not a Eurostar in site due to mad planning.
A personal Bemuddlement gripe. 
Those banes of Bemuddled life, Gare du Nord and Eurostar, jointly occupy the #8 slot. This is quite ironic, since Eurostar, in their wisdom, have been slashing the service between Ashford and Paris over the winter period, actually reducing the relationship between these two excellent commodities. The erstwhile traveler now only has a choice of two Eurostars out of Paris on a weekday night; the ridiculously early 18:16h or the credulously late 20h45, which on a Thursday night is like the refugee train from hell, full of desperados loaded on cheap red wine and poor quality cheese and ham baguettes. The reason? It's winter... naturalmont.


And a welcome return at #7 for those "Deutsche madchen"  who make a reapparance this month. Bemuddlement often wonders what type of person types "Deutsche Madchen" into the Google search engine, but we've seen those reports on early morning breakfast television (usually delivered by Penny Smith) warning us about those internet types, so we think it's best we don't ask.

As always, we contacted our bevy of "Deutsche Madchen" who are queueing up to appear on these pages, but so disgusted are they at being pestered by above mentioned internet geeks, we have had to make do with this excellent image from the Bemuddlement archives... and what a touching scene it is. It's taken  from the 1946 film "Meine Kino is Kalt, Herr Zwingeste", winner of three "Gelden Kartofelns" at the first post-war Munich Film Festival and much acclaimed by Czech metal workers everwhere. Director, Hans Technik, in his 1952 "Zoomkopf" article was quoted as saying quite important, but unfortunately it has never been translated. We have the article here at the Bemuddlement office and resident German, Helmut Wirklichnahmen has attempted a translation into English for the very first time...

"Achtung!!! Guten Abends... something uber eins Film... 2 women.... Potatoes of Gold.... Klauss und einen Dog with 3 legs... valves im dem Hotel... something about a rubber tubing factory in Dresden.."

I'm sure you agree... a fascinating insight into the mind of Hans Technik

Hope for Ilse (Maria Doppleganger) and Heike (Kylie Zeppelin), as news of the overthrow of the Nazi regime is passed on by a jubilant Great Uncle Klauss (Herman Permschmidt). Unfortunately for them,  it would be another 60 years before same-sex marriages would be legalised on main land Europe.