Garlic and Mushroom Quarter Pounders
is It ?
bits, spliced together with stringy stuff (cheese based?), flavoured
with garlic. Coated in bread crumbs
to find it
section "Meat Free meals".
at all. This is one of life's undiscovered joys. Wait till the word gets
out, you'll never find this dish again after 4pm.
||Do not eat
on their own. Garlic and Mushroom Quarter Pounders are totally uninspiring
in their singular unattended state (see Fig 1). Requires a selection from the following...
- Spaghetti Hoops
- Baked Beans
- Garden Peas
- Petit Pois and Carrotts
- Fried Egg
- Slices of Bread
Totally void of
all culinary excitement. Garlic and Mushroom burgers are a tasty
meal once the 'complimentaries' have been decided upon
yes. You'll something to break all that food down.
This is almost proper cooking and our Bemuddlement Chefs only recommend
this for the most experienced of "Sad-meal-for-one"
Ideal for when you are sick and tired of Indian,
Chinese, Italian food and want a bit of a challenge. Mentally prepare
yourself for the most intense 20 minutes in the kitchen you are ever
likely to experience. The sheer number of decisions to be made is
- Burgers....Bake...Grill...or Fry???
- Fries/Mash/New Potatoes???
- Baked Beans/Spag Hoops/Garden peas
- Eggs. Scrambled, whisked or "Sunny Side
For the purposes of this recipe our Bemuddlement
Chefs went for the Grilled/Fries/Spag Hoops/Sunny Side Up Combo.
Bemuddlement Chef has chosen his options. Be careful not to cook
all three packets of microwave Fries. Tempting as it is. The egg
is Free Range. Only Heinz Spag Hoops will do, our Chef spares no
- 250 Per Burger
- 250 Per Pack of Fries
- 150 Per Tin of Spag Hoops
- Egg Approx 200
- 200 Per Slice of Clovered Bread
- + Wine
Beware...a real kcal fest if your not careful.
microwave the selected Fries. Do not overcook...they catch fire. Slight
charring was reported during the creation of this gastronomic masterpiece.
(See Fig 3)
At 23:06 our
Bemuddlement Chef rejects the lure of "You're on Sky
Sports" and demonstrates the correct method of cooking
microwave ready Fries.
||This dish is
so complicated to prepare that bemuddlement recommends radio distraction
whilst in the kitchen. James Whale's Talksport phone-in (1089AM), or on an
evening of mid-week Premiership Football "Late Night 6-0-6" with
With the meal Bemuddlement recommends Björk's
collection of video singles "Volumen" or for those with more
stamina "American Beauty". Annette Benning never looks even
better, once outside two lovely Garlic and Mushroom Burgers.
cooking perfection is attained with this beautifully prepared
meal, a credit to all who have ever attempted this, the trickiest
of dishes. Note the artistically arranged 'Spag Hoop',
deliberately placed at 3:40pm on the Garlic Burger.