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Garlic and Mushroom Quarter Pounders

Dish Sainsbury's Garlic and Mushroom Quarter Pounders
What is It ? Mushroom bits, spliced together with stringy stuff (cheese based?), flavoured with garlic. Coated in bread crumbs
Where to find it Freezer section "Meat Free meals".
Likelyhood of finding No problem at all. This is one of life's undiscovered joys. Wait till the word gets out, you'll never find this dish again after 4pm.
Complimentaries Do not eat on their own. Garlic and Mushroom Quarter Pounders are totally uninspiring in their singular unattended state (see Fig 1).  Requires a selection from the following...
  • Fries
  • Mash
  • Spaghetti Hoops
  • Baked Beans
  • Garden Peas
  • Petit Pois and Carrotts
  • Fried Egg
  • Slices of Bread

Fig 1

Totally void of all culinary excitement. Garlic and Mushroom burgers are a tasty meal once the 'complimentaries' have been decided upon



Wine Good heavens yes. You'll something to break all that food down.
Preparation Notes Complicated. This is almost proper cooking and our Bemuddlement Chefs only recommend this for the most experienced of "Sad-meal-for-one" practitioners.

Ideal for when you are sick and tired of Indian, Chinese, Italian food and want a bit of a challenge. Mentally prepare yourself for the most intense 20 minutes in the kitchen you are ever likely to experience. The sheer number of decisions to be made is staggering

  • Burgers....Bake...Grill...or Fry???
  • Fries/Mash/New Potatoes???
  • Baked Beans/Spag Hoops/Garden peas
  • Eggs. Scrambled, whisked or "Sunny Side Up"

For the purposes of this recipe our Bemuddlement Chefs went for the Grilled/Fries/Spag Hoops/Sunny Side Up Combo.



Fig 2

Our Bemuddlement Chef has chosen his options. Be careful not to cook all three packets of microwave Fries. Tempting as it is. The egg is Free Range. Only Heinz Spag Hoops will do, our Chef spares no expense.

  • 250 Per Burger
  • 250 Per Pack of Fries
  • 150 Per Tin of Spag Hoops
  • Egg Approx 200
  • 200 Per Slice of Clovered Bread
  • + Wine

Beware...a real kcal fest if your not careful.

Serving Suggestion Always microwave the selected Fries. Do not overcook...they catch fire. Slight charring was reported during the creation of this gastronomic masterpiece. (See Fig 3)

Fig 3

At 23:06 our Bemuddlement Chef rejects the lure of "You're on Sky Sports" and demonstrates the correct method of cooking microwave ready Fries.



Ideal Viewing/Listening This dish is so complicated to prepare that bemuddlement recommends radio distraction whilst in the kitchen. James Whale's Talksport phone-in (1089AM), or on an evening of mid-week Premiership Football "Late Night 6-0-6" with Richard Littlejohn.

With the meal Bemuddlement recommends Björk's collection of video singles "Volumen" or for those with more stamina "American Beauty". Annette Benning never looks even better, once outside two lovely Garlic and Mushroom Burgers. 


Fig 4

Once again cooking perfection is attained with this beautifully prepared meal, a credit to all who have ever attempted this, the trickiest of dishes. Note the artistically arranged 'Spag Hoop', deliberately placed at 3:40pm on the Garlic Burger.