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Inspired by the re-release of "Saxon - Masters of Rock", a collection of the finest works of this great British NWOBHM Institution.  Bemuddlement's desk was flooded with a series or correspondence between fan and band...


Dear Sir,
in the song by Saxon "20,000ft" Mr Biff Biford sings

"Forget the time
Ten miles high
Living my fantasies
At twenty thousand feet
Twenty thousand feet, twenty thousand feet"

I'd like to point out that 20,000 ft is approximately 3.7879 miles and that 10 miles would be equivalent to a height of 52,800ft. Currently the only scheduled airliner to fly at that height is (of course) Concord.

I just like to clean these things up, as its as easy to get these things right as they to get them wrong,

Yours Sincerely

A Pilot
Dear Pilot,

Clearly the CAA has different standards for their units of "feet/miles" used in your sphere of operation. I understand your concern but would like to point out that in no way Saxon condone the use of their recording material as an aid to aeronautical navigation. However we understand that the Budget Airlines may be enticed to employ Budget Staff and one would have to seriously think long and hard before employing a Pilot whose attire consisted of Denim and Leather. This may lead to inadvertent interchanging of CAA units and Saxon units.

We hope this clarifies the situation.

It is with great pleasure that Saxon are pleased to recommend the Saxon unit of measurement as an aid to enticing the ladies. Clearly 9 inches in Saxon "feet" (i.e. 0.75 SxFt) is clearly almost 2.25 CAA Ft. This has often proved a big hit even if it is somewhat unmanageable.

Yours rockingly,
Dear Saxon
in "747 Strangers in the night" Mr Biford sings

"This is Scandinavian one-o-one
Flight from Hawaii coming out of the sun
Kennedy should be in sight"

Its no wonder Kennedy isn't in sight as most scheduled services from Hawaii to Scandinavia would infact route via Los Angles or Denver. If the East Coast of the United States were used as a 'hub', it would probably be Newark and not JFK employed. Given that earlier in the song Mr Biford complains of "No Power or Runway Lights" I wonder of the airworthiness of the airlines utilised by 1980's NWOBHM bands.

I accept the argument on the Saxon definition of feet however and explains a rather unpleasant picture of the band in Yellow Spandex...thank god lycra was invented 5 years later

A Pilot
Dear Pilot,

Re-routing the Hawaii-Oslo flights via Kennedy was a common experience in the 80s and was in fact done in response to a call by NWOBHM bands in order to recognise the advantages of the duty free lounge at Kennedy compared with those farther west and, more importantly, the rigours of touring allowed the stop over there not to interfere with reprogramming of the body clocks of the band members.

The flight in the song was particularly memorable, since, if I recall rightly, the Pilot was obtaining the autographs of the band at the time and Biff was approached and asked to take over the controls for a while during descent whilst this task was finished. However, being "blind drunk" hampered the newfound aviator's vision consequently giving rise to the lyric "Kennedy should be in sight". The references to power and runway lights are explained by his paralytic nature and again his alcoholic status: he couldn't feel or see. However the Pilot on return returned the crooner to Seat B12, and proceeded with the final descent.

The Hawaiian gig was consequently one of the most memorable. We shall not go into the in-flight entertainment, although with Diamondhead on board one can imagine the shenanigans we got up to!

Biff did not pursue his new found piloting abilities although he rewarded himself with a new Denim jacket once landed at Kennedy. A Levi's brand I believe. 


Dear Saxon,
in the song "Denim and leather" Mr Biford asks

"Where were you in 79?"

In 1979 I was a whelk dealer in Whitstable and performing in an amateur production of "Cabaret" as Sally Bowles. Whilst denim was certainly not the costume of choice, leather certainly did figure in the costumers designs. There was no "running down to the front" however

A Boring 

Dear Saxon,

In the song Dallas 1pm Mr Biford sings

"Right and left in the back of the head
Screaming confusion, shots rip the air
Cadillac racing, cops on the run
They couldn't believe the president's hit"

Now if you examine the Zupruder footage of the assassination of John F Kennedy you can clear see that the fatal shot come from in front of the Presidents car and his is shot in the Front of the head (presumably from a location near the Grassy Knoll). The presidents head is then seen to move back and to the left, indication a shot from the front and to the right.

Frame 153 just after the first shot is fired. The President's car is heading west on Elm about half way between Houston and the railroad. Find the President's head and the direction it its turned to. What does this suggest?

Frame 162: The President resumes waving but look at the expression and direction of Governor Connally's face. What does this suggest?

Frame 188, just after the second shot. Compare the position of Kennedy's hand in relation to his face from frame 162. What direction is his body moving and where could the shot have come from? Refer to plaza diagram.

Frame 238: Kennedy has clearly been wounded in the throat. Do his hand gestures suggest any shooter locations? Can you tell if Connally has been hit yet?

Frame 236: just a split second before frame 238. Does anything about Connally's body position or facial expression reveal that he may have been hit here?

Frame 313, the fatal head shot that killed the President. Is there any indication of the direction from which the fatal shot came?

Frames 312 and 321: Do these two frames give you any better perspective of the direction of the fatal shot?

As you can see Mr Biford is clearly not an expert on the field of the JFK assassination and may I suggest that he research the topic fully before committing his thoughts to vinyl

A C. O'NSpiracy

Dear A C O'Nspiracy,

Saxon refer to the article in the Statures (1977) stating..."the
impending rise of British NWOBH will greatly add significant gains to UK
GDP, and as such, we therefore allow considerable "artistic licence" within
the work of these highly professional and diligent practitioners..".

Thus we agree with your comments about the Zupruder footage but do feel that
we have kept to the spirit of the assasination but not to the factual
account. Indeed Biff remarked that "you try n sing in the front of the skull
from the right rather than Right and left in the back of the head". 

We would like to point out that we have had several other complaints
recently from disgruntled listeners, and we are coming to the conclusion
that you are no other than Mr A Pilot. Our solicitors have been informed.

Yours etc etc,

Dear Saxon,
In "Strong Arm of the Law" Mr Biford complains of being stopped by a member of Her Majesty's Constabulary. He alleges that the officers opening line would be "Stop! Get out! We are the strong arm of the law".

I'd like to remind you that the customary greeting would be "Good Evening Sir. Is this your vehicle?" and such inflammatory lyrics serve only to misrepresent the Police Force, who at times do a very difficult job. I hasten to add that the officer in question (PC Tyler) is in fact a long time fan and this reporting of a routine vehicle stop has upset him fact the lads in the station only recently noticed the removal of his Picture of Paul Oliver from the inside of locker only the other day. This has been replaced with a classic Dave Murray (of Iron Maiden) picture..sporting his famed Paul Kossoff modified Stratocaster (with DiMarzio Twins on the Neck and Bridge positions),

Chief Inspector Ure Nicked

Dear U R Nicked,

The words were correct in the lyrics. That is what was said. If PC Tyler has
a problem with his memory then he shouldn't be a Boy in Blue anyhow. As for
the DiMarzio twins no member of the band has ever had any social intercourse
with them.

Saxon still retain a strong disrespect for law and order. We are now going
to the pub. In our 747.

Dear Fan,
Thank you for not/attending the Saxon tour( delete where sensible).
We now have a plethora of merchandise available at 90% discount.
Mail for details.


Dear Saxon,
I was unable to attend your recent show at Clacton Municipal Swimming Baths as it clashed with my Quilling and Candle Making class. I would be most interested in any reduced merchandise you have as I need some new gardening clothes. Incidentally does Biff recommend Hover or Rotary for his Lawn Mower of choice,

Yours in Anticipation

A Fan


We do NOT recommend a Hoover, but a hover is far superior.
As for gardening clothes, we recommend Denim and Leather Re-patched - The
ComeBack Tee as a fine garment and if you were to combine this attire with
some suede drumming gloves (monogrammed with a Gold "S" in Bold Gothic font)
then you will be the envy of Hemplethwaite Crescent.

However, should you write to us again, can you please omit the white powder
from the envelope. (It really stuck to Biffs new leather biker shorts).


Ps Clacton Municipal Swimming Baths really could do with some TLC and you
will pleased to know that ou have viewed your favoured artistes in better
surroundings previously.