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Ancient Bemuddlement 

  • Where did he come from? (Iceland) 
  • Where did he go? (into his Magic Bag in 1981 and he never surfaced again)
  • It helps explain a lot.............before TOG there was.......

After studying the rainfall charts of Llandundno, Tög set off for the travel agents, armed with "Rebeccca Glaciers Book of Dance" and a Thermos of cold Goats Milk.
On his way to the travel agents, Tög found a constellation map of the stars, he feels that this is the omen and decides to give up Neapolitan Ice Cream for Lent.
Tög catches a taxi to the Travel agents which has a Hackney carriage number of 3724, but wisely Tög dismisses this as any significant factor.
Three weeks later Tög has left the Igneous Volcanic regions of Iceland and has traded them for the Scandinavian Sedimentary- Lower Paleozoic Geological regions (Tög is a keen amateur geologist and a regular Subscriber to Röck Monthly, the Popular Scando/Icelandic geological periodical). Incidentally, Röck Monthly costs 200 Krona per month.
Tög found himself in Arjeplog in Sweden (66N 18E) which was situated on Tög favourite line of latitude (66N). Tög noted that Arjeplog has an annual an annual rainfall of 750mm, so he took an umbrella just in case. Tög choose Arjeplog because it has a population density of between 2 to 16 people per square mile, so there was no problem of crowds, plus Arjeplog is a predominately protestant Area.
Using his expanse of knowledge (Tög had one Ö-Level in geology) Tög could see that it was raining, so Tög was indeed wise to study the climatical graph of Arjeplog and purchase an umbrella.
Tög boarded the bus (a double decker), but unfortunately, as it passed under a low level bridge the top deck was sliced off. Wisely, Tög decided to sit on the lower deck as he was unaccustomed to the surrounding physical area. Luckily, Tög is a keen amature photögrapher and took pictures of the wounds of the injured to show his friends at the Icelandic Masonic Lodge when he returned home.
Leaving urgently, Tög ignored the cries of anguish and continued his travels.
As his nerves were not feeling too good, Tög delved into his magic bag and drank a mixture of valium, metholated spirits, crushed plant leaves and Peruvian Possum Blood (being included as a test tube had accidentally broken in the bag). Tög drank the mixture and felt better at once and was now feeling hungry. Luckily there were some tasty morsels in the bag and with Helium being Tög's favourite Group VIII gas, he decided to eat.
As Tög admire the Scandinavian Scenery, he could not help feeling a pang of regret that Sweden only produced 70 Billion KWh of electrical energy per year and only 40 Million Tonnes of steel, but this still bettered his own native Iceland.
Although Tög was saddened by Sweden's inferior economic growth, he was jealous that Sweden did have a greater surface area than Iceland (173,400 sq miles to Iceland's 39,709) and when Tög discovered that Sweden also had a greater population than Iceland (8,240,000 to Iceland's 220,000) his feelings turned for micro-seconds to anger. Tög's anger ceased however, when his computer mind went into action and calculated that Sweden did have a greater population density than Iceland (47.52018454 to Iceland's 5.540305724). Tög was comforted by this thought as he did dislike crowds. Tög also took comfort by the fact that Sweden's monetary unit was the same as Iceland's (Króna) however the Icelandic Króna contained an accented "o". this gave Tög a sense of patriotic superiority.
Feeling sleepy, Tög climbed into his Magic bag to sleep for the night. There he dreamt of Reykjavik and how it was 28m above sea-level, had an annual rainfall of 861mm, a temperature of 12 degree Celsius and of course Iceland's magnificent active Volcano, Mt Hekla (4747ft or 1447m).
Tög was happy, after all, Iceland had 0.983870168% of Europe's total surface area, which was quite a sizable proportion for an Island often omitted from many Climatical Encyclopedia. Tög was lucky that is own climatical encyclopedia "Johnson's Guide to Climate" was one of the most comprehensive volumes he had come across. Tög's feelings of happiness was consolidated when he realised that Arjeplog was on the same line of latitude as the Southern Suburbs of Digranes in Iceland. Digranes was a small township and Tög was homesick for Digranes, even though he himself had never ventured anywhere near Digranes. Tög was confused, at least he thought he was confused, but as he had never been confused before, he couldn't really be certain.

A New Day

The delicate buzz of pneumatic drills awoke Tög and he climbed from his magic bag and admired the Spanish countryside, it was then he realised he was in Sweden, so he admired the Swedish countryside instead.
Tög was saddened once again, as he had to leave the 66N line of latitude and  ventured South East of Arjeplog to a sizable town of Skellefta, which was near the coast of Bothina. On the way to the Swedish settlement, he met a member of the Swedish Royal Family who asked for directions to Stockholm. Tög gave the dignitary the directions (he was sure it was Her Royal Highness Princess Fish) and he continued on his way. After four hours of traveling, Tög realised it was not a member of the Swedish Royal Family he had talked to but a wife of an employee of Stöck-Home's, Arjeplog's leading housing manufacturer. Feeling embarrassed, Tög climbed into his Magic Bag , but again having never felt embarrassed before, he was not entirely certain of his emotion at that particular moment.

Inside his Magic bag Tög settled down for the night. As he entered the bedroom, he noted that Ivan Nasalbaum was on his 30" colour television. Ivan, was Tög's favourite carpenter and he had all of his major carvings on record. On these recordings many assorted mallets and chisels could be heard in action. As Tög was not tired, he entered the Snooker Room, the library, the Kitchen, the spare room, the living room and the bathroom. Tög tried very quickly to be in all the rooms at once, but as hard as he tried he found this task too difficult and came to the conclusion he was not omni-present and therefore not of celestial origin. Exhausted, Tög went to sleep and dreamt of the book shelf he had always desired, but could never afford. It would one day have pride of place in his study.

Tög awoke next morning, saddened at his lack of bookshelves. Hoping to cheer himself up, Tög switched on his own home-built radio. This radio was special because he had built from a diagram in Röck Monthly and consisted of a Granite Outer casing and some very delicate Basaltic Rock Components.
Tög switched the radio on and immediately recoginized the voice of whom someone Tög had never heard of.. Tög switched off the radio and remembered that Iceland was a major earthquake zone , yet funnily enough it had never experienced a major earthquake in the past hundred years. Tög was pleased about Iceland's lack of earthquakes and ventured out of his Magic Bag.
Walking down the main highway from Skelefta to Unea (a small town 100 miles South of Skelefta) a rather polite gentleman said "hello". Thinking this man was a Swedish spy, Tög immediately placed the man under a "citizen's Arrest", however Tög soon realised that that he was in Sweden and the man could not be a spy. Luckily Tög's apprehendee was of low intelligence and could not understand Icelandic and Tög's pride was not harmed.
After several hours walking, Tög found himself back in Arjeplog and realised he had took a wrong turning, in fact he soon calculated he had taken 137 wrong turnings and had traveled in the completely wrong direction to Umea. Surprised at his lack of direction , Tög was internally comforted to be back on his favourite line of latitude (66N for those of you who need reminding). Seeing it was becoming dark Tög climbed into his magic bag, inwardly pleased because his bag had a lustrous gloss due to a recent polish.